Freelancery

After the post about the rather unrealistic expectations of freelance jobs board posters, I started occasionally looking for more of the same. This was partly an investigation into the devaluation of the “industry” I work in, but mostly because I find it funny. What I found was a world of ignorance and bad English.

I am not one to laugh at someone for butchering a sentence in a language not their native… well I am, but not publically… well, I… anyway. Here’s another fine example of underpriced work I stumbled across recently, and some choice applications for the job.

Hi

I want a social networking site like facebook,orkut,stumble. This site should have database and very eye cachy design with flash. My terget is to attract age 16 to 23. Login page,bolg,photo gallery,community etc are require. I want a fully functional social networking site. And remember I want a seo professional who can lift my site. Only professional bidder please bid. Low cost fast delivery.My budget is $600

Happy bidding!

Seems reasonable–my “terget” was always to attract 16 to 23 year olds too. Clone one of the most popular sites in the world for $600 (the actual budget listed for the job, regardless of this description here, was $100-300). Aside from the obvious ease and speed with which any decent freelancer could do this, there are a couple of potential pitfalls that reduce my temptation to reply.

Firstly, apparently they want eye caching. Now I’ve used a few different types of caching, from MySQL query caching, through opcode caching, to object and raw HTML page caching. But storing a site within the user’s own eyes for later use, while ingenious, is beyond my skills.

Secondly, they require “Bolg”. From the small amount of research I have done, it seems they want to hire an obscure Bulgarian metal band. I don’t really understand the relevance, but they already stumped me with eye caching so this is probably an issue with my own knowledge.

And then there are the replies…

If there’s anything better than the post, it’s the replies posted by prospective freelancers.

Here’s one that sounds a little more like a reply on a fetish roleplaying forum. So I’m told.

yes. i’m ready, please chose me, i’m waiting… thanks

And if you’re unsure of yourself, you could always just beg:

Hi I have 4+ years experience in php.Please give me one chance. I can work for you on hourly basis. Thanks

Finally, here is my personal favourite. There is nothing more to be said about it.

We are provided with wide experience in the development of web sites . Also we count with the experience that needs and we can offer you the necessary solution,we offer you to do it in Joomla an excellent agent of contents who will allow to update the information and it has hundreds of components extra that then will be able to make you grow in forums, virtual shops,Chat, communities, etc. We count with wide experience in development for portals, virtual shops, systems to measurement in diverse countries like Spain (principal destination of our developments), Argentina,Mexico, Peru, Chile, Costa Rica, USA, England and Holland. In particular and since his portal it is of fightersurely you will know the most well-known portal of weapon of Spain, since at present we it are taking charge migrating to Joomla, with everything his 10Gb of content,users, forums, etc., for which we are constructing and modifying special modules for the information that this way needs it, the project this one in his final phase and soon you will see it in the place replacing to the former portal. Also we have done shops, portals of auction inverse, real estate agencies, forums, social networks, quite in Joomla. We offer a guarantee of 03 months on our work, on any evil functioning or problem of construction which will be corrected without any cost. The best team to your disposition. With more than 8 years of experience and works in different countries. Quality guaranteed in advance. Regards.